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​Some people learn very early in life that the phrase ‘just be yourself’ feels more like a trap than an invitation.
When relaxing or being spontaneous results in criticism or rejection, we quickly learn to hide the parts of ourselves that others have punished or shamed. It might be your interests, your laugh, how you express emotion, or even how you move.
When being authentic feels unsafe
When authenticity has felt unsafe, we often adapt by showing a heavily edited version of ourselves most of the time. Over the years, this can lead to a painful tension between two important needs: staying safe by hiding, and being seen and valued for who you really are.
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This tension can cause deep internal conflict. It might feel like the behaviours you’re rewarded for don’t align with your true self, or that showing up more fully could threaten the relationships or roles you’ve worked hard to build. It’s complicated, and it’s not your fault.
Shame and its impact
​This struggle is closely linked to experiences of shame. Shame usually carries a belief like “I am fundamentally bad or defective in some way”. It often starts early, especially if you were raised in environments where certain parts of you were dismissed, criticised, or rejected.
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Together, we can explore how you’ve coped with shame up until now, often through avoidance or self-editing. We’ll look at how those coping strategies might have helped you survive in the past, but also how they might be blocking change in the present.
What our work looks like
In therapy, we take a gentle, trauma-informed approach to working with shame. We use evidence-based techniques, including acceptance-based strategies and schema-focused work, to help you develop a healthier relationship with shameful thoughts and feelings.
I feel honoured when clients trust me with their experiences of shame. This work can be deeply vulnerable, and I am committed to moving at your pace, creating space to learn new ways of relating to yourself with kindness and understanding. You deserve to feel both safe and truly seen.