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Trauma means many things to different people. But one common thread is the sense of unfinished business, unprocessed memories, or an emotional story that never quite resolved.
You might have a big childhood memory that feels overwhelming whenever something triggers it, or a recent crisis that you appear calm about even though it changed something deep inside you. Trauma, in this sense, represents a part of you that got stuck and left behind along the way.
For many of the men I work with, trauma can feel like a quiet companion. It might show up as a sharp emotional reaction in certain moments, a distant numbness, or a feeling of being cut off from your own body or emotions. And when shame is part of your history, it can become even harder to notice what these experiences are trying to tell you.
How we begin
When we start working together, I place a strong emphasis on exploring what safety feels like for you; I don’t assume we already know. Instead, we ask questions like: How do I know when I’m feeling safe? What does my body do when that happens? What would safety mean for the thoughts I’m having?
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This is often where the work begins, with small but important steps. We learn and practise evidence-based techniques to regulate emotions, tolerate distressing sensations, and stay present without getting overwhelmed by painful memories or retreating into numbness or avoidance. We work at a pace that feels sustainable, so you can stay grounded rather than bracing or disengaging.
Making sense of trauma responses
From there, we explore how trauma shaped your reactions, beliefs, and nervous system. Trauma is a natural survival response to something you weren’t able to fully process at the time. Understanding how and why that response got stuck can be liberating.
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Once we understand how the trauma has been affecting you, we turn towards healing. This might include EMDR, schema-focused work, or other trauma-informed therapies. These approaches help create new structure and space around old wounds, allowing you to relate to past experiences in a way that is no longer defining or overwhelming.
Moving forward
This kind of work doesn’t erase what happened, but it can change your relationship with those experiences. It opens pathways to reconnect with parts of yourself, that have been waiting to be seen and heard.
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You don’t have to do this alone. With curiosity, safety, and the right support, it's possible to move forward.