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We need people in our lives. At the same time, it can be a real struggle to keep relationships going, let alone find the energy to help them deepen and feel more satisfying.
Very few gay men grew up with clear guidance or role models for what healthy gay relationships look and feel like, but most of us still feel the pressure to be good at them. When things go badly, it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.
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For many of the gay men I work with, this sits on top of early experiences of feeling different, smaller, or “too much”. You might look calm and capable on the outside, while quietly feeling lonely, misunderstood or unsure how to ask for what you need without risking conflict or rejection. It can be exhausting to keep performing a version of yourself that seems to “work” for others, while not feeling fully seen.
What helps relationships change
Although every relationship is different, there is strong evidence that certain techniques, phrases, approaches and perspectives can help to improve our skills and confidence in relationships. Whether you are thinking about a friend, romantic partner or partners, family members or colleagues, it is useful to explore the dynamic in a supportive space where we can look at the good, the bad and the ugly in your closest connections.
Understanding patterns from the past
In my approach, I pay close attention to how the past can echo into the present, especially for people who grew up in heteronormative and other unsupportive environments. We work on improving mindfulness skills so you can notice when old patterns are being activated, without getting swept away by the force of painful memories.
I also encourage gentle exploration of subtle relationship dynamics, needs and expectations, awareness of unhelpful emotions that come up, and developing skills to help regulate, soothe and sit with difficult feelings as they arise.
Skills for stronger, safer relationships
I place a lot of importance on normalising that all relationships require some work, and this includes working on how we talk to each other. Assertive communication techniques, negotiation skills, naming feelings in the moment and paying attention to non-verbal communication are all valuable areas that I can help you to learn, practise and gradually build mastery with.
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We go at a pace that feels safe, and my focus is on helping you build more authentic, stable and satisfying connections, while treating yourself with more curiosity and compassion along the way.