Resolutions versus intentions - ‘Harnessing failed intentions for growth in late January?’

Welcome to the new-ish year, where we are once again nearing the end of January, and many people are lamenting their well-meaning resolution to do things different this year (which only lasted days or weeks). It’s a common experience because making resolutions is part of New Year culture like gift giving is part of other holiday cultures, and for a brief moment we feel a burst of motivation that we can really do things differently this time, if we just try.

However, this external motivation distracts us from personal growth, in the same way that a magic item in a kids movie lets the protagonist suddenly do incredible things, until they lose it in the finale. When we tell ourselves that a certain time of year will help us to make changes, it necessarily takes away from our sense that we can grow and change on our own. Similarly, we are encouraged to make goals that are far enough from reality to feel impressive, and this gap tends to set ourselves up for old self-stories about failure even more.

Before making goals, it can be useful to sit for a moment and think about your self-concept. What do you believe about yourself as an effective being? If you recently made a resolution, what actually stopped you from making that change on November 3rd, or the afternoon of August 26th? It can be hard to acknowledge just how much we actually believe about our ability to improve right now, but this information is crucial to give us a baseline and assess our options.

If you don’t have recent experience with successfully making small positive changes, getting some lived experience of this could be a priority. If you’re not in the habit of speaking positively about your potential to change, such as “I am someone who can do difficult things”, or “I am capable of growth and change at any time”, the next step could be actively practising these kinds of affirmations in your self-talk.

It might also be handy to revisit the structure of goals you’re setting, such as the well-known SMART goals model. For example, a Specific goal could be “I will practice thinking kind things to myself more often”, and making it Measurable could include “Kind meaning things that help me feel good about being myself for a moment”. The Achievable part of this goal might be “I will say 2 kind things to myself each day”, and keeping it Realistic could look like “I will keep the compliments small and low-key, which is more comfortable.” Then making it Time-limited could be deciding to do this every day for only 2 months, not forever, then take a breather and review whether you found it helpful.

So it’s not your lack of trying which has held you back from achieving resolution goals - there is important self-talk for believing in your ability, a role for practical behavioural change, and a need to plan goals using a sensible structure that will allow you to keep it up even on bad days. Having some accountability from a trusted friend or family member can also help with this, and working with a psychologist can really help with improving your belief and practical skills for creating real change. A new year starts every single day, so don’t let January 1st distract you from becoming the person you deserve to be!